Looking for Love and Meaning… a blog by Dating Darling











{June 9, 2011}   Exhausted.

Exhausted and taking a break. I have probably about 30 stories (and one roller coaster of a relationship begun and ended) I could have blogged in the last couple of months… but I realize that I’m in a vicious cycle– dating without clarity. And getting myself into messy and upsetting situations over and over again. Perhaps I’ll find it within myself to go back and recount these stories at some point (some are quite entertaining and telling!) but for now…. rest. I’ve discovered Anthony Robbins and I’m currently working through his Get The Edge CDs, trying to get my career and emotions and confidence on track… and hopefully the dating stuff will fall into place.

Ciao for now and be well!

D



Perhaps I’ve become bitter and jaded in my “old age” but given my experiences of late… a growing number of men are behaving in a bizarre new (to me) way. The Cinderella syndrome that I thought was reserved exclusively for women seems to be running rampant amongst the early-to-mid-30s-accomplished-and-intelligent-male community — case in point, the last two guys I have ‘connected’ with online.

I will elaborate soon. Just curious if any other women are falling victim to this too: men starting to build expectations and imagine scenarios involving you that can’t possibly have any bearing in reality seeing as they HAVE NOT MET YOU or BARELY KNOW YOU yet!

Sigh.

Kiss!
D



{May 4, 2011}   Cranky Alert!

Something about springtime seems to bring the bottom-of-the-barrel dudes out from the woodwork. Whereas a few months back, professional and presentable men with manners were emailing me on Lavalife and Plenty Of Fish, the tide has certainly turned. It’s an interesting (and somewhat depressing!) phenomenon.

I would like to request that the “ROMEO6969″s of the world not waste my time. That is, in fact, a real online profile name! And believe you me, there’s a ton more where that came from….

Help!

Kiss!
D



{May 1, 2011}   Single, for certain.

You will not bring me down.

You may have disrespected me and led me on but I come out of this a winner- I haven’t invested enough time to hurt…. for long.

Moooooving on!

Kiss!
D



{April 29, 2011}   Southward Bound… once again

As I watch yet another relationship begin its slow descent into non-existence… I can’t help but wonder if there really truly is something wrong with me.

You know how life keeps pummeling you with the same tests until you get the message? Totally feel like I’m there right now.

Executive Scout and I have a connection. I’d like to think it truly does go beyond a physical and primal chemistry… but perhaps I’m forcing myself to believe there’s more because we’re both adults?

Is it possible for two people to have mutual admiration for each other… but not necessarily respect each other? Hmmm….definitely sounds like a topic for my psychologist…. if I remember to bring it up!

First and foremost, I realize there is a significant gap in the amount of things that have transpired between my first date with Executive Scout and today. I was trrrryyyying not to overanalyze and rehash on the Net and just DO. But here I am again, overanalyzing and rehashing. And for my readers (and myself) I will probably need to go back and fill in the blanks at some point…. there’s just a ridiculous amount to cover!!

Long story short: He pursued me hard. We went out 3 times in less than a week and a half. Then he leaves on a family vacation for a week and proceeds to text me extensively and profess his growing attraction to me while away. He comes back, we hook up a couple of times and yet something’s off. He explains that he’s really on the fast track for marriage and kids but wants to be sure the woman he’s with is the right one… yet he’s trigger shy because of his divorce (divorced 3 years back– the woman cheated on him!)! Do those things even go together? I tell him that my goals for family and children haven’t changed but I’m wondering if our personalities are meshing (this was after I started to see the brattier side of him when we spent the next two ‘get togethers’ holed up at his place on his terms). What comes next is what threw me for a loop. So he’s a recruiter and when he’s engaged by a client, will work literally around the clock to secure the right candidate. Because these are such major deals with major price tags, things can get very intense. But the work affords him the lifestyle he wants and when he’s not wheeling and dealing, he has a LOT of free time. So, he indirectly told me he was going to have a new client but didn’t really explain how it would change things. Then the texts became fewer and farther in between (we went literally from 30 txts a day to 1-2 with 4 hour gaps in replies). So I followed his lead and pulled back, too. Finally, I couldnt take it and asked what was up and he replied by saying he was sorry that I felt “neglected” but work was busy and that he was still really into me. I took his word for it. Still no plans. I pushed for a date sometime, leaving the ball in his court. He suggested tonight.

He never explained why he had cooled things down. I guess I could have asked point blank. But in a roundabout way, he tried to use his ‘work’ to justify…. yet I know for a fact he’s been doing plenty of social things, too…

Since I’m doubting my ability to responsibly and maturely handle dating lately, who knows if what I am about to say makes any sense…

I think that for some reason, this is more about him than me. I think he wants to ‘deserve’ me but for some reason, feels like he doesn’t. As in, we really and truly are equals in my mind (in most respects) but he doesn’t feel that way. Hence, it’s messing with his male ego and I’m not sure there’s anything I can do about that. He seems to think I am physically superior to him (looks wise). At first I thought he was being cheeky, but I think it goes deeper than that. And I don’t see that at all. I see someone that is appealing and attractive to me. I don’t see what he sees, I guess. How could I? So I think he’s letting that get in the way… maybe?

I’m confused. I think he is a seriously talented and accomplished man who has great manners and presence but who, after the reverie of the first few dates has dissipated, just doesn’t know how to date…. dare I say know how to be in a relationship?

I need to take a step back. But I can’t help but think that I’m part of the problem. In that I have trouble communicating my feelings clearly. If I could just DO and let my actions speak for themselves, then I’d probably not be suffering the way I am right now… but how does one learn to do that after 32 years on Earth doing it the ‘feeling’ way?

We had a great dinner tonight and yet something took a turn and suddenly went waaay south.

At this point, I don’t know how to proceed or try to work things out….

I’m a little tipsy, hurt, cried out, and tired. I hope this post makes sense in the morning…. and sense I will be doing some edits to it at that time!

Kiss!
D



{April 28, 2011}   Nervous Energy

So it’s been a bit of an up-and-down ride so far with Executive Scout. (I will fill you in when I feel motivated to write more than a paragraph, which I don’t right now).

We’re both fully attracted to each other and both suffering from similar hesitations because each of us is feeling like we could fall quickly and want to be sure we’re right for each other, to lessen the risk of heartache! I do fear that we have too many similar flaws….(falling and getting caught up too quickly and totally irrationally being one obvious commonality!) but what I can’t deny is the fact that every time we have plans, the butterflies begin.

Are they butterflies? Or gut nerves warning me to watch out? Would you believe that I’ve never really been able to differentiate? Perhaps because in my body, even excitement brings on a cause of the quease (because I’m making myself vulnerable?) Wow, would I ever like to re-set my gut and start fresh… the woes of a woman with a mind on hyperdrive all the time.

Seeing him tonight. Not sure what the plans are but I’m assuming just dinner. Haven’t seen him (or spoken) in a week. And I woke up this morning, nervous energy coursing through my body at DAWN. It’s the ultimate alarm clock it seems.

Kiss!

D



Heeellllllppp!!!!!

Anyone have any tips on how to take back ownership of my brain and its thoughts????!?!

The boy is away for a week. I’m going loco. To be expected considering this gal is slightly underemployed and full of free time at the moment. He’s away but currently, his IMPECCABLY WORDED TEXTS are what’s killing me.

Shall I share? I may have to…. because I’m in dire need of help to refocus myself and not sit here daydreaming all day.

(wonder how many of these words — his– are fueled by the pool-side bar at the Dominican retreat he’s staying at!)

But in all seriousness… I’ve dated plenty, had long-term boyfriends… most tended to start out with cute flirting and a bit of shyness (on both sides) before developing into a deeper feeling of connection. And I’ve met a few “bad boys” over the years who have made me want to drop my panties on a purely sexual, primal level. But I cannot recall feeling this INTENSE probably since my first love back in university (10+ years ago). It’s completely irrational, amazing, but holy moly is it terrifying!

I almost skipped down the street today. And I’m 32 years old!

Kiss!
D



{April 13, 2011}   A teensy bit smitten

This is one of the few posts I’ve begun without a clear direction on the point or the destination.

I am one smitten gal. And if you’ve followed along with this blog, you know I’ve had my share of mishaps and misadventures on this dating journey.

It’s nice to know that sometimes it can just BE.

Executive Scout… has made me remember what it’s like to connect with someone– that even in that messed up, full of falsities world of online dating, gems can and do exist.

It’s early days yet but in two weeks we’ve been out three times — looooong dates, too.

He’s classy, smart, sensitive, caring, well-mannered, ambitious, curious, adventurous and affectionate. I could go on but I’d like to keep the readership-gagging to a minimum.

But it’s funny– I have realized (yet again) that I am indeed my own worst enemy. This is some deep-rooted stuff here.

Realization:

I’m GOOD at being SINGLE.

I’d gotten used to not having my heart on the line. I did/do as I please. The routine of going out on a bunch of dates that started to feel like job interviews/casual nights to get me out of the house, was just easy. Fulfilling, perhaps not. But safe. Good friends around me and no need to make myself vulnerable, both physically and emotionally.

I’m so unfamiliar with this feeling I’m feeling, that I’m completely overwhelmed. Rational thoughts are minimal. Not to mention HE is similar to me in the texting-stream-of-conscious and daydreaming manner. TROUBLE!

We are using every ounce of our beings not to “add” each other to Facebook. It’s nice that, without saying much, we seem to be on the same page. No rush to get into anything, no games, but also curious about the insane chemistry that’s between us.

He’s gone for a week. I’m gonna take this as a welcome (?) breather to step back, calm down, and take it easy.

I’m not even sure what I am writing at the moment as my brain swirls with bliss…

Kiss!
D



{April 11, 2011}   Patterns… what’s yours?

As I’m sitting here, smacked over the head with the reality that this ‘thing’ I have with Executive Scout is starting to feel reeeeeally similar to the way things unfolded with Lil’ Brother…. and I may be falling victim to the same vicious pattern in my behaviour that I can’t seem to put my finger on… AACKK!  I will leave you with an interesting read from a new website I discovered.

Topic of the Day: Sex.

http://www.thatsfit.ca/2011/04/06/having-sex-is-ruining-your-self-esteem/

Yep, it’s one of the many things on my mind as this relationship “progresses”… although I think we’re at that weird ‘after-the-3rd date’ hump– the time I’ve come to realize is the “do or die” time of any online dating relationship.

We shall see….

Do YOU have a relationship pattern that you’re battling or has complicated things in the past?

Kiss!
D



{April 9, 2011}   The Bizarre Things I Say….

Case in point: making out with a guy who wants to venture downstairs. I stop him. He wants to know why.

My reply?

“Logistical Problems”.

I was on my period!!!

Kiss!
D



et cetera
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